I have always been a morning person but I have never thought
that I would fall in love with mornings that deeply… morning is when all the
character and personality of our little bundle of joy comes out. Smiles and
laughter light up early morning hours brighter than the sunshine. Who would
ever guess that just a couple of hours ago he was driving his daddy crazy by
crying his eyes out because he couldn’t fall asleep.
I love how sympathetic people are when you have a newborn; “congratulations”
is immediately followed by “it will get better”. I want to reply “it’s not that
bad”, I remember the first two weeks were the hardest. You are adjusting to
being a new parent and a lack of sleep and at the same time overwhelmed by love
and desire to satisfy that little being’s every wish. Our baby on the other
hand is overwhelmed by the world around him and trying to adjust to all the
changes his little body is going through. You and your little one are
developing your own language with no words but cries, hugs, kisses and a check
list. Yes! I figured it out, Oscar keeps a check list: if it’s not hunger, must
be a dirty diaper, if not a dirty diaper, must be a burp or fart, if it’s not
that then he is tired or bored. The amazing thing is that he doesn’t know what
bothers him either.
And you have to move
through check list fast otherwise he will work himself up and it will take
forever to calm him down. In this
process I realized that parenting is a synonym to being creative. If some pacifying
technique or a song worked this time it doesn’t mean it will work tomorrow. You
have to keep changing, evolving, and perfecting your way of rocking, singing,
moving, talking, and playing.
I have to admit that I am one of those
lucky wives whose husband is always ready to take over when you feel that your patience
and ability to continue is wearing off. Honestly, I don’t understand what those
ladies in the birth class were talking about when saying that the relationship
with your partner will suffer from having a baby. I feel it did the opposite
for us. It brought us even closer together. We work as a team with love and
support. We know that we can fully rely on each other and it makes our love and
desire for one another grow in trifolds. It’s been two months we first met our
baby boy… What? Already? And it IS getting better… there are hard and
frustrating days and there are easy and exciting days, but there is no word to
describe how incredible it is to be a family.
It was one of those days when nothing could pacify our
little Oscar; it could have been gas or a long outing, or might be just a lack
of sleep that led him to be so frustrated and upset that no one or nothing was
making him happy. On that day or it would be more accurate to say night I have
realized that I am becoming a mother, my mother to be precise. I remember, as a
child there was nothing more comforting and peaceful than my mother’s embrace.
I close my eyes now and still can feel her warmth around me and the softness of
her gentle hands caressing my forehead.
I knew that no matter how frustrated or upset I get she would always be
there holding me close to her chest while I cry even if there was nothing to
cry about. And at that moment I knew that nothing else mattered or existed
outside of this embrace, I felt safe, incredibly loved and I never wanted to
let go. So many years have passed but I still remember being wrapped in my
mother’s arms, feeling the softness and smell of her skin, the gentle beating
of her heart next to my ear, and an overwhelming feeling of peace. And I
realized that no matter how loud Oscar screams, how frustrated or restless he
gets, I will keep holding him close to me how my mother once was holding me. I will
keep caressing his forehead how my mother once caressed mine, I will keep
humming the same lullaby that my mother once hummed to me. I am becoming a
sanctuary for my son as my mother has always been to me. And there is nothing
more amazing than the realization that he will remember and treasure those
moments next to me in the years to come. I am becoming my mother, and I
couldn’t be more grateful for a beautiful role model I had in my life. I love
you, mom! Thank you for always being there for me! 
