Alright here it goes again… it’s
officially my third attempt to blog. Somehow I find it extremely hard to find
time to write a post, since I feel I could be doing something more productive
with my time. However, sometimes it’s hard to shut your creative self up, so it
tries to squeeze out and make some time for writing, painting, photography,
dance, and other creative outlets so much craved by my inner self and so often
neglected. For the last couple of months I was contemplating writing a blog,
not for my sake or for the sake of my friends and family that are far and near
(primarily far), but for the sake of my son. There are some things sometimes
that come up that I would like to teach him about and talk to him about but
alas he is too small. I still try to install all the values and ideas I think
are important to become a decent human being, and what I here in return is “No,
no.. ddd go?” I know, it’s so adorable and the time will come when he will say
that he knows best and will do all the stupid mistakes I have done in my time
and maybe then, he’ll somehow finds my posts, reads them and thinks: “My mom
actually is a pretty smart cookie.” At least it will be my incentive to force
myself to put it out there: my thoughts, ideas, memories, reflections. And maybe
some of you that I barely know or haven’t seen in a million years will feel
that you know me a bit better and maybe
my silly, sad, or happy stories or thoughts will make you feel better, will make
you reexamine your life, make you thankful for what you have and what you
don’t.
Alright my first chapter is on LOVE,
yes, I know…but it had to be since tomorrow is your parents’ wedding
anniversary. Yes, two years tomorrow as your mom and dad made your little
family official. Not that it wasn’t before but, you know, honey, in this world, I’m sure you will learn it
soon, paperwork is very important, especially to all the people around you and
less so to you. Time is a strange concept. It feels as though two years was a
million years ago but still seems that I met your father just yesterday. I
remember two years ago at this time exactly your dad was passed out in the back
seat of the car since a day before he passed a very important Chinese exam and
hasn’t had a wink of sleep. Your mom though was driving 8 hours straight with
auntie Tanya by her side listening to Hirai Ken “One more Chance”. It was a
long drive from Eugene, OR to San Fran, CA, but it was so worth it. You see, we
thought that it would be a great new start for us to make our marriage official
in the Bay Area, since both of us wanted a change of scenery so to speak. We
both wanted a new beginning, a new place, a new life. It might be hard for you
to comprehend that, since you cannot imagine your parents being apart, but
before your mom and dad met they had been married to different people. It was a
difficult experience for both of them and you probably will find out about it
in due time. You see, before I met and married your father, I thought that
marriage is supposed to be difficult. You know, you have to give up something,
to get something in return. Very often you will hear that marriage is hard work,
you have to make sacrifices for the person that you love and so on. Call me
selfish or lucky, but my marriage with your father is a complete opposite. He
redefined the word marriage and relationship for me. It is simply bliss. Yes,
it takes no effort what so ever. I think it is partially that we are very
similar in so many ways and our relationship flows organically and smoothly.
There is no words to describe how extremely blessed we are to find that
incredible connection with each other. You know, I probably said that a million
times by now, but I knew that your dad and I will be together from the first
time we met. His charming smile, bright blue eyes, and continuous silly jokes
won me over in a few minutes as you might imagine. And from that moment forth
it became clearer and clearer to me how deeply I truly love your dad. I
remember the time when we brought you back from the hospital he was holding you
so gently and sang you a lullaby in the most soothing of voices, the tears
involuntarily left my eyes. I could have never thought what an incredible
father he would be to you. The bond that your dad and I have is rare but it
does exist. It is more than love, it is closeness that you couldn’t have
imagined before you experience it, it’s a feeling of belonging and security, and
it’s a never questioned trust, and never-ending understanding and forgiveness.
It is a family. I’m so incredibly thankful for your dad being such an
incredible husband to me and deciding on making our little family “official” on
this day two years ago. I still can’t believe it’s been two years. I so hope
and pray that you will someday find something similar to what your parents
have. It’s bliss!
Love you forever and always,
Mom
